Avenue Q: Hetalia the Musical
by Masked Marshmellow Maniac
Summary: a musical/song fic sort of sotry with an acutal plot. Chapters are acts and will be updated when I can... It's best to know some songs from avenue q so you get an idea of what this story explores in terms of hot topics of race, stereotypes and things of that nature. Please be kind and if you do not like musicals or hetalia or if you're prone to complaining... Please just go...
1. ACT 1: Everyones a little bit Racist

**This is my first fanfiction. I got inspired rather quickly… There's this song from the musical Avenue Q called "Everyone's a Little Bit Racsist" And I found a video on youtube with Hetalia clips while the song was playing (which is perfect fridge logic when you think about it because the series makes fun of everyone in a non-racist comedy type way). Allright, here we go with the story. Oh yes, my sister's original characters are Mexico and Puerto Rico. She let me use them.I believe this is what you'd call a "song fic" but I made it in a play like format, so there's really a story line with characters and plot**.

**Act 1**

"Hm…" Mexico thought, looking at the sylabis his teacher gave him.

"What's the matter Mexico?" America asked, looking down at the Hispanic. "You should eat your lunch before the break is over."

"I was just thinking… My parents told me about this school for new immigrants coming from Hispanic countries…"

"You're not comfortable at this school?" America sat down with Mexico, eating a hamburger.

"I feel almost out of place." Mexico answered. "Plus, I still have trouble learning the English, so maybe a school for immigrants would be better."

"Well can I go to this school?" America asked.

"No, priority is to immigrants that just crossed over or-."

"Don't you think that's a little racist?"

"It's what the school wants, not my place to change the policy…"

America stood silent. "It's still a little racist."

"What about this school, I say it's pretty racist because almost everyone's white." Mexico sighed. "It really sucks because it's so difficult dealing with the stigma and stereotypes of being of another race…"

"That remark is pretty racist too…" America took a breath. "You're a little bit racist"

"Well you're a little bit too."

"I guess we're both a little bit racist."

"Admiting it is not an easy thing to do."

"So I guess it's true."

They both got up. "Between me and you I think, everyone's a little bit racist sometime~~~ Doesn't mean we go around commiting hate crimes~~~ Look around and you will find, no one's really color blind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face~~~. Everyone makes judgements, based on race."

America inturupted. "No, not big judgements like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from."

"No, not at all."

"It's just little judgements."

"Si, I agree señor."

"Like how Mexican busboys should learn how to speak god damn English!"

"Hey, I'm Mexican!" Mexico shouted.

"Sorry."

They both shook their heads, after a lot of apologizing they started again. "Everyone's a little bit racist today~~~ Everyone's a little bit racist, okay~~~ Ethnic jokes might be uncouth but you laugh because they're based on truth. So don't take them as personal attacks~~~ Everyone enjoys them. So relax!"

"Hey I got this one Polish joke. So you know how Polish names have unnecessary H's in-?"

" .GOD. You were so just telling a Polish joke!" Poland walked out, wearing a girl's school uniform when he was supposed to be wearing the male uniform. "Why do you have to be so mean? It's not likeI'm saying that Americans are stupid or that Mexicans are weird!"

"That remark was racist just now. AND DON'T BE MEAN TO MEXICO!" America stood up for the shorter country.

"Gracias." Mexico said.

"Well I'm totally sorry. But you shouldn't be so mean…"

"Well so what if we were telling Polish jokes? I bet you joke about Russia behind his back all the time. Or maybe you joke about Sweden and Finland?"

"Yeah… That totally un-cool Russia making Lithuania and I break up… So not cool."

"See, wasn't that racist?"

"Come to think of it, I guess so." Poland said, the other two laughing.

"Hello there, what are you all laughing about?" Britain walked by.

"Racism!" Poland shouted.

"Oh… I see…" The british gentleman sighed, hearing foot steps and a loud voice.

"BRITAIN, YOU FORGOT TO TAKE OUT RECYCRABRES!" Japan shouted, holding up a clear plastic bag with a weeks worth of cans.

Mexico, America and Poland laughed.

"Don't laugh at him, how many languages do you speak?!" Britain asked.

"Oh come off it Britain." Mexico said, cleaning the tears from his eyes after laughing so much."Everyone's a little bit racist."

"No I'm not."

"No?"

"OF COURSE NOT! How many oriental wives have you got?" Britain asked, only to get a katana blade to his neck.

"Honestry…" Japan said.

"Buddy Britain, where you been? The term is asian American!" America flaunted.

"I know you are not intending to be~~ But carring me orientar, offensive to me." Japan put his sword away.

"I'm sorry Japan." Britain said, picking up the asian. "I still like you. And I think the fact that you have no L in your vocabulary is somewhat adorable."

"Arigato." Japan said. "So don't be racists anymore, okay?"

"But you're racist too."

"Yes, I know." Japan jumped onto the floor. "THE JEWS HAVE AR THE MONEY AND THE WHITES HAVE AR THE POWER, AND I GET STUCK IN TAXI CAB DRIVA WHO NO SHOWA!"

"Me too." America said.

"Me too." Poland fallowed.

"I can't get a taxi, I run my own car service…" Mexico said, making everyone silent for a solid minute before the music came on again.

"So everyone's a little bit racist, it's true. But every one is just about as racist as you~~~ Maybe if we all admit that we are racist a little bit and everyone stop being so P.C.~~~ Maybe we could live in… HARMONY."

An awkward silence took place. "Hey wait, did we just sing something from Avenue Q?" America asked.

"I don't know why we would be singing in the middle of the day in the first place…" England said. "I wonder if there's some one behind the curtain making us do this…"

"Hey, anyone think we're forgetting something?" Mexico asked.

"Hai, I can't berieve I forgot…" Japan cleared his throat. "Everyone's a rittle bit racist."

**Information:**

**Japans have no L sound in their vocabulary. So words like Lolita and Election become Rorita and Erection when said in the japanese accent. Koreans are the opposite, having no R in their vocabulary.**


	2. ACT 2: Sucks to Be Me

**The flash-back chapter if you will. I told you there is a plot to this show… So here it is. The song sung is "It Sucks to be Me" also from Avenue Q. This takes place in the morning before the first chapter takes place (which is the afternoon)**

**Act 2  
**

The countries sat in their classrooms. Mexico, America, Puerto Rico and Japan had all got into the same class. They had just listened to Mr. Austria's long introduction and the syablis had already been handed out.

"All right class, for the next week, you'll be exploring stereotypes and racism and how they affect our culture. You'll be expected to write a report on the subject, which is due at the end of next week. So you have two weeks. One for doing research and one for writing the report."

Students had mixed responses as they left to go back to their dorms (most of their morning classes were cancelled because of tours and because the classes that were still schedules for the day were merely introductions).

America sighed at the butt-load of forms he had to fill out (the meal plan forms, the order forms for the gym uniforms, one form that had to be taken home for his parents to sign to allow him to swim in the pool.). He managed to carry them all the way to his dorm without a struggle.

"Hey America, how's life?" Mexico asked, bumping into him in the hallway.

"Disappointing!"

"What's the matter?"

"When I was little, I thought I would be… A big comedian or rock star on TV. But now I'm stuck in school and as you can see, I'm not." America explained.

"Nope."

"Oh well… IT SUCKS TO BE ME." He said. "It sucks to be me. It sucks to be broke and un-employed and sucking at math!"

"I see…"

"It sucks to be me."

"Your problems aren't that bad. There are people worse off." Mexico said.

"What do you mean?" America asked.

"I'm muy chulito, hard working and smart."

"Yeah I know."

"I like a lot of things like music and art! And as you know I have a giagantic heart, so why~~~ Don't I have a girlfriend? FUCK IT SUCKS TO BE ME! It sucks to be me."

"It sucks to be Alfred."

"And Rick*"

"To not have a job!"

"To not have a date."

"It sucks to be me."

"It sucks to be me."

In unison. "IS THERE ANYBODY HERE IT DOESN'T SUCK TO BE?! IT SUCKS TO BE ME!"

Almost immediately France and Britain walked out of their dorm room, arguing as usual. "I'll pay you back, it's just ten dollars!" Said France.

"Bloody wanker, pay me back right now!"

"Hey, do you guys have a second?" America asked, the two stopping their arguing.

"Yeah, what's the matter America?"

"Whose life sucks more, Mexico's or mines?"

The two Europeans stopped to think. "OURS!"

France started. "We live together, close as two people can get."

"We've been the best of friends ever since the day we met." Britain said.

"So he knows ways to make me very upset. So every day is an aggravation."

"You wanker, that's an exaggeration!"

"You leave your clothes out; you put your feet on my chair!"

"You do such anal things like ironing your underwear!"

"You make that very small dorm room that we share, living hell!"

"So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!"

"It sucks to be me" Said France.

"No it sucks to be me." Britain said.

"It sucks to be me." Mexico and America sang in unison. Together everyone sang. "Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? IT SUCKS TO BE ME!"

Japan came out of his dorm, a singles room. "You think your rife sucks?" He cleared his throat. "I'm coming to this high school, for opportunities. Try to work in Korean dairy, when I am Japanese! But with hard work I earn schorarship you see, so now I'm here. Now I'm student, but I'm pretty much broke. And I have an un-emproyed fiancé and we have rots of birs to pay." He sighed.

Everyone paused, after he didn't act for a good three minutes before the music suddenly came on again. So he started singing. "It sucks to be me. It sucks to be me… I say it suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-suka-sucks! It sucks to be me!"

In some amazement and confusion another pause, but not as long. It was inturupted by another student, a girl looking for her dorm. "Excuse me! I'm looking for my dorm!" She was Puerto Rican, wearing the school uniform but with a red scarf around her neck and a rose in her hair. She carried around a bowl of rice.

"If you need help, I'll get the dorm mother." America said, shouting his head off. "HEY FELIKS, GET OVER HERE!"

"I'm like totally coming, just calm down!" Coming down the stairs was a man-boy… Man boy? Whatever he was, he was dressed in the female uniform even though he was a dorm mother and not an actual student.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A WEIRD HOMOSEXUAL!" The Puerto Rican shouted.

"Hey I'm not weird!" Poland shouted, beginning to sing. "My name is Poland, I'm totally cool you know. I was married to Lithuania until Russia broke us up. So now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's gay jokes, but I'm here, I'm the dorm mother in this dorm."

"IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!" The students shouted.

"You win." Mexico muttered.

"IT SUCKS TO BE YOU!"

"I feel better now." America smiled.

"Try having people stop to ask you "Like OH MY GOD, ARE YOU LIKE, POLAND?!" all day long." Another long pause. "It gets old."

All began to sing in harmony. "It sucks to be you, it sucks to be me, it sucks to be you, but not when we're together. We're together here in Hetalia High School. With our friends too. We all go to this high school."

"Here's your keys." Poland handed the girl her keys.

"Welcome to our high school!"

"What just happened to me?" America asked.

"No clue, you wanna watch TV?" Mexico asked.

"I'll bring snacks." Puerto Rico suggested.

**I was running out of words to write, plus you sometimes need filler for certain lines… So I apologize if it sounds somewhat tacky at times. I'm rather proud of this fanfiction myself as it's not only my first, but I'm rapidly becoming a fan of musicals.**

**Oh yes, and I wrote in Japan's accent, replacing the L's with R's… Just for the record.**


	3. ACT 3: The Internet was Made For

**Act 3 isn't for everyone. This song is from Avenue Q once again, the song is "The Internet is for…" However, I made it a duet between the two Italies rather than just a song sung by one person. Poor Italies…**

**ACT 3**

Romano and Veniciano were walking to the computer lab, since they didn't have computers in their shared dorm room. They were going to work on their report that they were given by starting early.

"Hey Romano, the internet is really great, don't you think?"

"Si. I'm going to look up pasta recipes when we're done doing this stupid report."

Together the Italies took a deep breath and began to sing. "The Internet is really, really great."

"FOR PORN!" A strange voice shouted. (Authors note: Try to guess who it is first.)

"We got a fast connection so we won't have to wait!"

"FOR PORN!"

"There's always some new site!"

"FOR PORN!"

"We browse all day and night!"

"FOR PORN!"

"Feels like we're surfing at the speed of light!"

"FOR PORN!" (Get ready for a big shock)

"Germany what are you doing here?" Veniciano asked, watching his German friend enter the lab and sit at one of the desks.

"What are you doing here potato eater?" Romano asked.

"The internet is for porn, the internet is for porn. Why do you think the net was born? PORN, PORN, PORN!"

"Germany!" Veniciano shouted.

"What?" The German asked.

"Stop singing that… I know you're interested in that weird stuff and that you're one hell of a sadist, and by sadist I mean one of those super sadists! You should've seen ti Romano,he has a collection of DVDs and one of them had dogs in it! And his government endorsed coitus is too much to bear!" The younger Italy panicked.

"Don't worry fratello, I'll protect you from this creep." Romano shouted, taking his little brother in his arms.

"Sticks and stones!"

"No really, you're a pervert!"

"It's perfectly normal."

"Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the internet!" Both Italies shouted.

"That's not true!" Germany shouted. "LET'S HEAR IT! EIN, ZWEI, DREI, VIER!"

Out of no where, America, France, Spain and Britain came into the computer lab singing along with Germany. "THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!"

"Sorry Romano!" Spain shouted.

"THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!"

"I mastrabate!" Spain shouted again.

"All these guys unzip their flies for porn, porn, porn."

"No, the internet was not made for porn!" Veniciano shouted.

"PORN, PORN!"

"HOLD ON A SECOND!" Romano shouted.

"The internet was NOT made for porn!" Veniciano shouted. "Let's go Romano, these guys are weird… And I can't remember what just happened to me."

"Come to think of it, I can't remember either…" America said.

"Why does this keep happening?" Britain asked. "I think this is the third time today."

"Mon duier…" France said. "I wonder if this is like that Bloodbath 2010 event."

"Oh well." Germany said. "My head hurts, so I'm going back to my dorm."

"Me too." Spain said.


End file.
